Review: The Great Wall

When you first hear the positively absurd premise for The Great Wall, your mind will naturally jump to one-of-two disparate conclusions. Either it will be so-bad-that-it’s good, or it will be a great, albeit batshit crazy, popcorn flick. There’s seemingly little room for anything outside of that binary. After all, this is a film about Matt Damon as an Irish (I think) mercenary teaming up with an army of colourfully attired, bungee jumping power-ranger lookalikes, in order to battle mythical lizard creatures that are trying to scale the Great Wall of China. I’ll give you a second to re-read that crack-pot rambling. Go on. Take your time.

One can only assume that this is loosely adapted from a collection of incoherent delusions, found scrawled upon an asylum wall in the author’s own shit. Which sounds promising as hell to me! Oh and it also has Willem Dafoe in it! So how can this be anything but majestically entertaining?

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Yet Another Obligatory Oscar Rant: For the Nerds

Excluding the distinctly farcical conclusion, this year’s Academy Award’s ceremony was mostly just business as usual. Excessive features, forced comedy, laboured political references; all present and accounted for. Over in the UK we even got the customary appearance of Alex Zane, who through his sheer presence managed to once again prove that the Schmidt pain index does not go high enough. On a whole it was a fairly by-the-numbers affair.

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